I've been out of class since May. Summer classes are only on limited weekday evenings. I attend weekend classes normally, since I work second shift. So, no summer classes for me.
My major problem is that I am lazy. Bone idle. A complete lard-ass. I could drill on my own, but I find any number of excuses not to. I could have contacted one of the champ dancers at my school that tutor other students, but I am a chicken-shit as well as being lazy. I manage to hide my anti-social tendecies well enough, but contacting people I don't know still freaks me out. Which is really just more excuses.
The boost I got from a reasonable showing at my three summer feiseanna has long since fallen away, and while I still get giddy looking at my plethora of Silver medals, I don't get motivated. Which I will regret when I get back to class in September, and my form is STILL a mess, I have a whole bunch of judges' comments that I have done anything about fixing, and my stamina is shot to hell.
I want to be a motivated, go-get-it attitude kind of person. But that has never come naturally to me. Cynical, do-the-least-amount-possible-to-get-decent-results kind of person - THAT I can do, no sweat. The problem is, decent is decent enough for me any more. I've set the goal higher, but I have yet to figure out how to set my my determination accordingly.
I always have the best intentions to drill . . . but the road to hell is paved with good intentions and all that.
I guess I am just waxing philosophic here to anyone who happens to read. Sorry about that. It's 2am and it's just been on my mind.
I guess I haven't talked about my third, and final (for a few months) feis. It was about 3 weeks ago already at this point. 2 more second places, for my reel and my light jig. Hornpipe was 5th out of 6th. I can't complain - I wasn't last place, and yet again, I hadn't practiced before the competition. I really can't fathom how thoroughly decent I could actually be at this if I just tried a little harder.
But honestly, getting to hang out with a friend at a Feis was the highlight. That and the Feis Mom's next to me, being so nice and helping me out with all the little stuff that FM's help out with, y'know, zippers, pinning capes,fixing collars, all that. But mostly, having the friends around. Friends there to watch (although, I always feel guilty when my non-dance friends come to my competitions. Feiseanna are hardly a spectator sport), and a friend to dance with. Most fun I've had a feis for a while.
So, I guess next up on the agenda for me, is finding the mental fortitude I need to push past the excuses to drill, drill, drill, drill. That and sleep. I could really use some sleep.