Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Mid Summer Blues

I've been out of class since May. Summer classes are only on limited weekday evenings. I attend weekend classes normally, since I work second shift. So, no summer classes for me.

My major problem is that I am lazy. Bone idle. A complete lard-ass. I could drill on my own, but I find any number of excuses not to. I could have contacted one of the champ dancers at my school that tutor other students, but I am a chicken-shit as well as being lazy. I manage to hide my anti-social tendecies well enough, but contacting people I don't know still freaks me out. Which is really just more excuses.

The boost I got from a reasonable showing at my three summer feiseanna has long since fallen away, and while I still get giddy looking at my plethora of Silver medals, I don't get motivated.  Which I will regret when I get back to class in September, and my form is STILL a mess, I have a whole bunch of judges' comments that I have done anything about fixing, and my stamina is shot to hell.

I want to be a motivated, go-get-it attitude kind of person. But that has never come naturally to me. Cynical, do-the-least-amount-possible-to-get-decent-results kind of person - THAT I can do, no sweat. The problem is, decent is decent enough for me any more. I've set the goal higher, but I have yet to figure out how to set my my determination accordingly.

 I always have the best intentions to drill . . . but the road to hell is paved with good intentions and all that.

I guess I am just waxing philosophic here to anyone who happens to read. Sorry about that. It's 2am and it's just been on my mind.

I guess I haven't talked about my third, and final (for a few months) feis. It was about 3 weeks ago already at this point. 2 more second places, for my reel and my light jig. Hornpipe was 5th out of 6th. I can't complain - I wasn't last place, and yet again, I hadn't practiced before the competition. I really can't fathom how thoroughly decent I could actually be at this if I just tried a little harder.

But honestly, getting to hang out with a friend at a Feis was the highlight. That and the Feis Mom's next to me, being so nice and helping me out with all the little stuff that FM's help out with, y'know, zippers, pinning capes,fixing collars, all that. But mostly, having the friends around. Friends there to watch (although, I always feel guilty when my non-dance friends come to my competitions. Feiseanna are hardly a spectator sport), and a friend to dance with. Most fun I've had a feis for a while.

So, I guess next up on the agenda for me, is finding the mental fortitude I need to push past the excuses to drill, drill, drill, drill. That and sleep. I could really use some sleep.


  1. Congrats on the good results at your last feis! I hope you're able to find a way to motivate yourself to practice; I know how hard it is, especially as an adult with lots of other responsibilities--and especially with no feis coming up to give you something to shoot for. I am having an easy time motivating myself this summer but it's only because I've had to learn a lot of new work for our next feis and I know if I don't learn it I'll get up an make a fool of myself onstage. On the off-season, I find it SO much harder to practice.

    Sometimes it helps me if I tell myself I only have to practice for a short amount of time--like 20 minutes. That seems doable, and it's easier to get started. (And then usually I get into it and end up practicing for longer--and half the time I knew this would happen when I said "only 20 minutes". I guess I'm a pretty convincing liar, even when I'm lying to myself.)

    1. Sorry I haven't responded to your comment til now! Sadly my biggest problem when it comes to practicing is that even when I can talk myself into it (I use the same, 20 minutes lying to myself trick!) I don't really have any place to go. All concrete subfloors in my flat, and no way to really build a floating dance floor. I can't even say I'll save up money and buy some jubilee tiles cause from everything I have read, its better to not use them on the fluffy, high pile carpets that we have.

      LUCKILY, classes start again soon, and my work schedule has changed that I might even be able to make it to more then one class a week. *Crossing fingers*

  2. Great blog...I love hearing from other adult dancers taking classes with the kids because it reminds me there are other people like me out there. I am the only one over the age of 18 at my school in the non-champ classes. I admire your courage in competing in "and overs"...I desperately want to, but haven't been brave enough to drop down yet. Congrats on your recent placementsI hope we hear more about your adventures this dance year.