Announcement: I am NOT retiring

Not that anyone has been asking if I am planning on it, but I have been considering it. But, let me rewind here.

The last we talked, I was packed and ready to go to Feispocolypse 2015. I woke up early that morning, looked at the schedule, saw I wasn't set to dance until a little later in the morning, puttered around, ate some breakfast, and some how managed to come down with my first ever panic attack. That was not fun. I physically could not get myself out the door. I was CRYING for pete's sake - crying when I should be happy and excited and maybe even nervous, but I was none of those things - I was CRYING. The only impetus that I was feeling to consider going was the fact that I needed new laces and didn't want to pay shipping by buying them online!

After calming me down (first having to wake up to find out why I was crying) Husband took me out for some breakfast and talked me through what I was going through.

I just wasn't prepared. Not in technicalities. Not in mentality, Not in emotions.

Now, anyone who has followed this blog at all knows that I normally I am no where near prepaired enough to compete. I never have time or space to practice, and I some how always manage to miss a bunch of classes before feis-time.

I have gotten as far as I have in competition with sheer determination, enthusiasim, moxie and/or giant balls. I just go and brazen my way through it, confident in what I know, and confident that I am good at hiding what I don't know. Sometimes I still make an ass of myself, but I have some kind of something as a fall back.

I didn't even have that before this series of competitions.

So, with placing out of my Slip Jig at North Coast I am no longer straddling three levels (I still technically have my SPD in Advance Beginner, but I will worry about that  . . .at some point). It's pretty easy and straight forward - LJ, SJ, RL, and TJ are all in Novice and somehow, HP is in Prizewinner.

But here's the thing - I don't know ANY of my novice dances 100% yet. Normally that is not a problem for me. Hardly ever are any of my dances at 100%. But usually, I have my baby Beginner 1 or 2 steps to fall back on that I can do in my sleep, so I at least feel like I have something to fall back on.

I didn't have that this time. I had been working so hard on learning the new Novice steps, that I hadn't been drilling the old AB steps.

I basically was an Irish Dance version of Jon Snow - I knew nothing! No new steps, no old steps. And I just sat at my desk wondering why I was even contemplating going!

So over coffee and eggs, Husband, being the pragmatic, reasonable person that he is asked me a series of questions.

- Do you WANT to quit? . .. .No
- What DO you want? . . .  to not suck at this any more
- What do you need to get this? . . . to practice more, to not miss so many classes, and to be more talented
- Is signing up for feiseanna helping or hurting? . . . helping in that it puts on pressure to practice more, hurting in that I don't respond well to that kind of pressure.
- Can you give up competitions? . . . . I could, but not if I want to continue to level up
- Ok, so what do you NEED to not suck any more and to make competitions less stress full.

So here was the plan we came up with. I needed more time. First I needed a little time to decompress. Luckily summer sessions were starting, so I was basically on a 3 month break from class. While I knew I was going to despretely miss it, a little hiatus was probably a good thing. I also needed a little more time IN class. If I am going to compete in Novice, I actually need to BE in novice. I need to have a couple solid months of class under my belt before I compete again, so I am planning on sitting out all other feiseanna until 2016. I need practice space outside of class, so he's promised me once we finally get a house (we've been shopping seriously for a few months now) he's going to build me a dance floor in the basement. I need him to be a little pushier too - he's always been super supportive, but when I am saying that I might just be lazy and not go to class I need him to kick my butt out the door.

Husbands are highly encouraging and wonderful dance support. I recommend them over Feis Moms any day, if only for the fact they can't ground you and are pretty fun to kiss too. . . .

But at any rate. . . .

Classes start again tomorrow. I am rested and excited and of course a little nervous to be going back. I've gained another million pounds over summer break. I've not exercised at all. But I have retreated, fallen back, regrouped and am ready to attack this again. I have from now til the end of the year to get to where I need to be, and then Novice - I am going to kick you ass.  . . .