Class report 1

So I told a lie the other week - TONIGHT was my first class. We were on an alternate schedule for 2 weeks so I couldn't make it.

Class was good, it was good to be back, even if it was so hot and I was so over heated I felt like I was going to puke. I didn't, so we will consider that a win.

Amazingly, I remembered more of my SPD then expected. On the down side, I totally space-cadetetted, on my new light jig that I had started learning at the end of last year. The silver lining to all this is they are both dances that I need to work on, specifically SPD, which is my last dance still in AB. Light Jig is just a good place to start the ball rolling on my plans to dominate novice.  I already know the step, I just need to remember it, and, according to the teen teacher's helper that was drilling me, make it more bouncy, hop into the air more, keep my feet pointed down on my kicks, pull my knees up higher- pretty much everything. She was actually super helpful and sweet. I don't mind when she is the one drilling me; she actually pretends to laugh at my stupid jokes and is abundantly patient with me when I am literally crawling on the floor out of breath, or when I am completely fumbling the step I had right just a minute ago.

I am taking a lot of signs and opportunities this year. I only signed up for once class a week. I know this may sound counterproductive to you multi-classer types, but it always ended up being "Eh, I am not up for class today, I will just go hit the Wed. night class - wedsnday classes are better for me anyway cause that is the adult class." And then, when Wednesday night would roll around "Tonight's class is just so late and I have been at work all day, and I have to work in the morning and and and . . . ." Needless to say I had the exact same excuses for Saturday classes too.

So, one class a week, all or nothing. If I don't go tonight, I don't go this week.

I have also resorted to self-bribery.

If I don't skip a single class (barring actual illness and previous commitment) between now and December, I will treat myself to some new dance clothes and sports bras.

If I don't skip a single class (again, skip by definition meaning not going just cause I am lazy or moody, not any valid reason) for the entire year, I will let myself consider buying a new wig at the end of the year.

If everything goes through on this house that we made an offer for, and we get in there and I have darling husband build me a practice floor, there will be some other kind of bribery to get me to practice at least 2 times a week between classes. Just not sure what that bribe will be. I am open to suggestions. Any thoughts?


Goals until next weeks class: review the second half of the first SPD step, and remember to make my LJ more bouncy.

Literally taking this one step at a time here. . . .

Cheers all, I am exhausted.
~Meara

Announcement: I am NOT retiring

Not that anyone has been asking if I am planning on it, but I have been considering it. But, let me rewind here.

The last we talked, I was packed and ready to go to Feispocolypse 2015. I woke up early that morning, looked at the schedule, saw I wasn't set to dance until a little later in the morning, puttered around, ate some breakfast, and some how managed to come down with my first ever panic attack. That was not fun. I physically could not get myself out the door. I was CRYING for pete's sake - crying when I should be happy and excited and maybe even nervous, but I was none of those things - I was CRYING. The only impetus that I was feeling to consider going was the fact that I needed new laces and didn't want to pay shipping by buying them online!

After calming me down (first having to wake up to find out why I was crying) Husband took me out for some breakfast and talked me through what I was going through.

I just wasn't prepared. Not in technicalities. Not in mentality, Not in emotions.

Now, anyone who has followed this blog at all knows that I normally I am no where near prepaired enough to compete. I never have time or space to practice, and I some how always manage to miss a bunch of classes before feis-time.

I have gotten as far as I have in competition with sheer determination, enthusiasim, moxie and/or giant balls. I just go and brazen my way through it, confident in what I know, and confident that I am good at hiding what I don't know. Sometimes I still make an ass of myself, but I have some kind of something as a fall back.

I didn't even have that before this series of competitions.

So, with placing out of my Slip Jig at North Coast I am no longer straddling three levels (I still technically have my SPD in Advance Beginner, but I will worry about that  . . .at some point). It's pretty easy and straight forward - LJ, SJ, RL, and TJ are all in Novice and somehow, HP is in Prizewinner.

But here's the thing - I don't know ANY of my novice dances 100% yet. Normally that is not a problem for me. Hardly ever are any of my dances at 100%. But usually, I have my baby Beginner 1 or 2 steps to fall back on that I can do in my sleep, so I at least feel like I have something to fall back on.

I didn't have that this time. I had been working so hard on learning the new Novice steps, that I hadn't been drilling the old AB steps.

I basically was an Irish Dance version of Jon Snow - I knew nothing! No new steps, no old steps. And I just sat at my desk wondering why I was even contemplating going!

So over coffee and eggs, Husband, being the pragmatic, reasonable person that he is asked me a series of questions.

- Do you WANT to quit? . .. .No
- What DO you want? . . .  to not suck at this any more
- What do you need to get this? . . . to practice more, to not miss so many classes, and to be more talented
- Is signing up for feiseanna helping or hurting? . . . helping in that it puts on pressure to practice more, hurting in that I don't respond well to that kind of pressure.
- Can you give up competitions? . . . . I could, but not if I want to continue to level up
- Ok, so what do you NEED to not suck any more and to make competitions less stress full.

So here was the plan we came up with. I needed more time. First I needed a little time to decompress. Luckily summer sessions were starting, so I was basically on a 3 month break from class. While I knew I was going to despretely miss it, a little hiatus was probably a good thing. I also needed a little more time IN class. If I am going to compete in Novice, I actually need to BE in novice. I need to have a couple solid months of class under my belt before I compete again, so I am planning on sitting out all other feiseanna until 2016. I need practice space outside of class, so he's promised me once we finally get a house (we've been shopping seriously for a few months now) he's going to build me a dance floor in the basement. I need him to be a little pushier too - he's always been super supportive, but when I am saying that I might just be lazy and not go to class I need him to kick my butt out the door.

Husbands are highly encouraging and wonderful dance support. I recommend them over Feis Moms any day, if only for the fact they can't ground you and are pretty fun to kiss too. . . .

But at any rate. . . .

Classes start again tomorrow. I am rested and excited and of course a little nervous to be going back. I've gained another million pounds over summer break. I've not exercised at all. But I have retreated, fallen back, regrouped and am ready to attack this again. I have from now til the end of the year to get to where I need to be, and then Novice - I am going to kick you ass.  . . .

Everything but the Kitchen Sink: Packing for a feis, or the apocolypse, whichever comes first

I think I will affectionately refer to this weekend as Feispocolypse 2015.

Akron and Cleveland are this weekend. The only thing that is prepared is my feis-on-wheels.

I've spoken about it before, but being your own feis mom can be kind of stressful. Even if some moms make their older dancers pack for themselves, let's be honest, they are probably looking over it for at least the essentials. Luckily, I've never forgotten my shoes, but I have forgotten a sports-bra. That was a painful day.

Packing for yourself, but even more-so having to wrangle your own pack can become burdensome, so my best recommendation is to part smarter, not harder.

A while back I decided schlepping everything in a jumbo dance bag was beyond my upper body strength. I also decided that more popular wheeled cratey type things would make me one of the coold Irish Dance kids, I had no inclination to spend over $100 on a suit-case with light up wheels that I could maybe sit on. Let's face it, Irish Dance is an expensive enough hobby as it is. I also wanted something that I could keep a little more organized. So, I thought outside the box, or rather, inside the box. The tool box. I bought myself a Stanley Rolling Workshop. $50 at Home Depot. It fits my essential feis pack list.

Three separate cases that stack, latch and roll

Top of first case has latching trays, perfect for bobby pins, safety pins, hair ties and clips

Interior of first case: pretty standard tool box, but adapts well to wig, hair product, deodorant, brush, mirror and sock glue storage

The middle case, designed for small nuts and bolts serves well to keep make up sorted

Bottom case is big, and deep. Good home for shoes, tape, snacks, water and even a change of clothes. 

 So, my entire feis gear, in an easy to roll, mostly waterproof case. No having to juggle wig box, makeup case, shoe bag, etc. This also sums up my packing list pretty well. I also usually bring a book, or my tablet for those long periods between dances or lunch breaks.

I am pretty sure, between the snacks and the change of clothes, I could probably live out of my feis-in-a-box for like 48 hours.

If you are at Akron, come and say hi!

Akron Feis:
Start Time: 9am (currently expecting approx 8hrs of sleep)
Registered for: 416LJ, 416RL, 416SJ and 416TJ
Prepared for: none of the above (!!!)
Number of competitors: 7, 11, 13 and 10
Hoping for: Widespread 24-hour influenza and lots of no shows
Will settle for: the usual - not placing last
Shopping list: new ghillie laces, mine are mismatched. 

The Irish Dance Blerch

Do any of you guys follow The Oatmeal at all? It's hysterically funny, albeit, not for the easily offended. I'd like to say that I've been following it since before it was popular, but that wouldn't be entirely accurate, mainly cause I am not convinced that there was ever a time it wasn't popular. But I digress. . . .

There are many side-splittingly funny and educational comics on there. You can learn why Tesla > Edison. You can learn about the Mantis Shimp. But most importantly for the case of this blog post, you can learn about The Blerch.

A while back, The Oatmeal (he might actually have a real name, but if I ever meet him I will probably call him 'Mr. The Oatmeal') did a comic entitled "The terrible and wonderful reason I run long distances."

As I have often said that I am rather dwarf-like in regards to running (as in "I'm wasted on cross-country! We Dwarves are natural sprinters, very dangerous over short distances. Just keep breathing, that's the key") I figured that I would not be able to identity much with this particular cartoon. But being the good quasi-fan-girl that I am, I opened it up and I started reading it. And I discovered the name to something that has been haunting me for years. But, really, you need to go read it yourself. I'll wait . . ..  .

Ok, so. The Blerch. I have one. Only instead of a running Blerch it is an Irish Dance Blerch. The same little fat cherub that follows The Oatmeal when he runs has a sister that follows me when I dance. They look identical, except instead of a sweat band, my Blerch wears a giant crazy wig.

Like seriously . . . I want to start a hash tag campaign or somehow directly contact The Oatmeal and have him draw an Irish Dance wig on his blerch, just for me. Somehow, I don't think this will ever happen. But a girl can dream, right?

Basically, what I am trying to say is "what he said", only I am entirely less funny about it.

I've been blerching so bad recently when it comes to dance class, and it's landed me where it always lands me; right before a feis, out of shape, out of practice and thoroughly unprepared. It's a double-header memorial day weekend. Historically, I've done pretty well at the two competitions, but that isn't enough.

The Blerch is telling me not to go. I've learned like 15% of 2 of the new steps I need to learn. I've forgotten steps that I've previously done well at because I've been ignoring them in favor of practicing my trouble-spots. I've been feeling particularly fat and gross and self conscious the last few weeks. Y'know, all those terrible little voices - Fear, regret, doubt, cake.

But, As I was sweating my ass off in class tonight, a muscle tweeking behind my knee and convinced that I was going to die - either from over-exertion or embarresment, whichever came first, I wasn't picky - I kept reminding myself of a few things (except my treble jig - despite my best efforts, I was completely unable to remind myself of that, causing me shuffle like a moron by myself in front of the whole class).

The things I reminded myself of:

1. No matter how much I wanted to drag myself home and drown my sorrows in Peach Milkshakes rather then sweating and derping infront of a bunch of children, I remembered that I am never going to give up this fight. And the only way I am going to get better at it is to keep pushing through it even when I don't want to.

2. No matter how terrified I am of going to these feiseanna and embarrassing the ever living jibbers out of myself, I've already tanked at competions before and I have managed to NOT die from the shame. And I am not going to give myself the option of not going! (remind me of that on Friday when I am trying to bail again, ok?)

3. I might not get a medal, and that is ok. First off, I hardly deserve one with the lack of practice and effort I have been putting into it. And second, to have the privlidege of doing something I love, of pursuing a childhood dream that was always unavailable to me - that means alot. Medals are just icing on the cake.

So, I have a busy week ahead of me. Besides normal life tasks such as work, church, home, husband, etc, I have to find some time and place to practice, I have to ice down my bad knee, I need to soothe my wounded pride and then find somewhere to lock it away so it doesn't get permanently damaged this weekend, I need to iron the frumper and trial run the wig. I need to scope the competition online, find my lost treble jig and lose my bad attitude.

Think I can manage that all in a week?

Alright, going to go put up mt feet as they have not stopped aching since class. I will leave you with this parting thought . . . .

Live from North Coast Feis: with a prayer to Saint Bridget and a promise of Jamison

The good news is that I made it in time for my dances but the bad news is that I made it in time for my dances.

Came at lunch time. Less parking, more camping. Set up next to a nice family from my school. Didn't recognize me at first but no one does with the wig. Mom helped me with the cape, which admittedly is one of the hardest parts of being my own feis mom.

I am doing my reel and light jig (novice) and my slip jig (ab). Pray for my slip jig. It needs it.

If any one else is here come find me between stage c and d.

**Update**

I apologize - I had every intention on live blogging updates throughout the day, but my phone, and it's lack of service in the basement had other plans. So, now, a post-feis recap:

1. Reel; What was I thinking? Competing against 13 other dancers, 3 from my school, actually all doing, y'know, novice steps. There am I, in my fumper, toodling along with my AB steps. At least I didn't screw my little baby steps up. That would have been double the embarresment.

A thought hit me, as I was dancing on the novice stage - I really don't get why some people where solo dresses at novice. I mean, it's like, it's only novice. I've gotten into novice. It's really not that big of an accomplishment. I mean it is, but it used to be you had to work your butt into PW before you could bust out the big guns. Oh well.

2. Novice Light Jig: Didn't make it to this comp. My slip jig ended in just enough time that I could have made it, but as I was running over to the other stage, I realized I could not get my light jig step straight in my head. It doesn't help that recently I learned a new one and in my stress/frenzy, I kept mixing them up. As the dancers were already lining up and I am desprertly trying to remeber how many back-two-thre-four/front-two-three-fours there are,  decided to cut my losses on that one. I'm ok with letting myself not compete, and avoid the embaressment on this one. I am sure I can nail it at the next feis.

3 AB Slip Jig - this was the one. Competition of 8, I think, maybe it was down to 7. Momentary panic as we are lining up "which to do, new step, old step, new step, old step . . . . shit I'm going first noooooo . . . okay, old step!" Some how miraculously, auto pilot took over and I didn't screw it up. There was a headless moment where my feet were just doing something that I am not even sure was Irish dance, but luckily it was while the judge was looking at the other dancer. *phew* not displeased, but not feeling 100% confident on it.

Went with the dance family that I was camped next to, to wait for results. Yah for having people to talk to! No joy on the reel. Would be lying is I said I wasn't disappointed, but I am firmly planted in the reality of that situation. Haven't been practicing, no novice steps. Again, not so worried, I'm ok with staying in novice for a while.

Finally found my slip jig results after waiting a while. And just like that, I placed out - 3rd out of 8. I'm not giddy, but I am certainly relieved.

Slip jig, I have conquored thee. . . .. no to up the game for the novice attack.

Cheers all - it's time for some celebratory Chinese food and alcohol. 

I Have Kidnapped myself; Unless you pay me a ransom in Red Bulls and a new wig you will never see me again.

OK – this one is going to be a big one!

Let me start this post of with some apologies; I am sorry I have been an absentee writer Since October –  what the feck is up with that, right? I’ll be lucky if any of you stuck around from that communications black out.

In a feeble attempt to justify myself, let me sum up the last 3 months:

• Broke Toe
• Finished planning a wedding , including dance classes of a non Irish variety
• Got Married (it was gorgeous and tons of fun in case anyone was wondering! No, we didn’t have any Irish Dance as I was the only dancer present and I was wearing a million pounds of Taffeta.We compensated by having DJ Ipod Shuffle play a selection of Dropkick Murphys, Pogues and Great Big Sea)
• Spent a week recovering from the wedding
• Spent the entire month of November at work, at work, trying to catch up from my week off
• Long weekend trip out of state for Thanksgiving
• Family in town for Saint Nicholas’s Day
• More Work Drama
• Baking a bajillion Christmas Cookies
• Family in town for Christmas

Which brings us to date. So, dear readers, please don’t think that you aren’t priority to me – you just aren’t priority that show up at my door demanding attention and baked goods!

But now that we have the random life updates done, on with the DANCE updates:

• Halloween Feis:  Ended up not going. See aforementioned broken toe. Of all derpitude, I didn’t break it while dancing. I broke it walking into my kitchen and slamming my foot against a chair leg. But, for the sake of my pride, can we say I broke it doing some kind of crazy awesome dance move? Yeah, let’s go with that. Anyway, it was almost healed up in time for the Feis (read; at least the swelling had gone down) but it was still pretty sore and hard to dance on. Between that, feeling the $ pinch from all those final wedding payments and only 2 people registered for the one dance I still need to place out of in AB2, I called it. Just wasn’t worth it. Not even for the promise of IKEA meatballs afterwards.
• Class in general; Have pretty much entirely transitioned to Monday night classes. This is a multi-purpose boon. First, I get to leave work 30 minutes early to get there. Second, It is only a 15 minute drive as apposed to 45 minutes. Third, it doesn’t waste a large chunk of my Saturday that I could be spending with my husband (Call me weird, but I kind of like him). Fourth, a certain child who shall continue to remain nameless and non-descript doesn’t come to this class. Yah for not having my self esteem shot to hell with one critical glance of a nine year old!
• Previous Dance Goals: I am now split between three levels. While this irritates me greatly, and makes stage assignments a bitch to navigate, I am still not going to complain. There was a time in my life when I thought I was never going to see Novice, none the less actually make it to Prizewinner in one dance (although I am still convinced that must have been some kind of fluke). I haven’t made any further progress on placing my Slip Jig or my SPD. Between holidays, and me having family commitments, I haven’t had much class time. I have started learning some of my Novice steps though, so I won’t feel like a complete spaz case still doing the easy steps all the time
• Future Dance goals: Register for North Coast and Possibly West Virginia.  Focus on SJ and SPD to finally kick Advanced Beginner’s ass to the curb. Finish learning other Novice steps so I can start placing them as well. Start getting comfortable with new Hornpipe speed and finish learning other novice steps so I can eventually start actually competing in Prizewinner because . . . .
• Maybe I should have mentioned this first and foremost; I BOUGHT A SOLO DRESS!!!! *aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh*. Ok, so long story short, I happened to find a listing for a used dress that was in my price range (rare), actually a style/colour that I don’t hate (uncommon) and it was my EXACT measurements (a miraculous aligning of the moon). After confirming with my TC if it would be ok for me to go ahead and make a pre-emptive dress purchase, I went for it. It arrived in the mail a few days before the wedding. Best. Wedding. Present. EVER.  Obviously, I can only wear it for my one prizewinner dance (which I am not going to be competing in for a while), but there is something very surreal about actually owning a dress. Again . . . things I thought would never happen. It’s not my “dream” solo dress, but it’s my first, and that is amazing. 
• Final thoughts: (a la Jerry Springer, but with out hitting people with chairs) Despite all the great
  things that have happened over the past 3 months, it’s been a struggle. I’ve been having a hard time really pushing myself to make it to classes. I guess it’s winter hibernation mode or something, but I want to just go home shove an obscene amount of carbs into my pie-hole and snuggle with the husband. Energy has been nil. I’ve been fighting a lot of the “I suck at everything’ thoughts. And it’s true, I am still fairly sucky at Dance. I am not naturally gifted or talented for it. But if you can win Championships on desire, determination and sheer stupid stubbornness, I will someday bring home a big trophy – might not be til I am 90 years old, but hot damn I will chug my Metamucil, strap on my heavies and kick some butt. 

Slainte, team!


PS. I want a “old person” ID bumper sticker. Has any one found one in existence, or should I just trot out my poor to craptastic graphic design skills and just make my own?

Will Dance for Meatballs

Signed up for Pittsburg Halloween Feis.

The fact that it is 3 weeks before my wedding does seem a trifle ambitious of me.

There were several things that swayed me into registering.

First: I bombed at Celtic Fling. Like, I have never embarressed myself so badly on stage. A month later and I STILL don't want to talk about it. Needless to say, that damned Slip Jig is still eluding me, and I want everything out of AB by the end of the year (which was my goal last year, but we see how that went). I need a few more to try and place out, and Pittsburg is close.

Second (and possibly more important reason): the Feis is located EXACTLY 7.4 miles from IKEA and I have been jonesing on some meatballs and flat-pack furniture like nobody's business.

Ah, the things that will motivate me to dance. So not normal. . . .

Anyhoo, the third reason was that I can dance in a halloween costume. Years of being deprived of halloween costumes as a kid has left me with a penchant for dressing up round-about October time. When I sat and pondered what I would dress up as, my usual halloween costume seemed logical - Hogwarts School Uniform. It's not totally unlike what I dance in already, would look super cute, etc. But then I thought that was boring, and I should get creative. I *do* have a closet full of Ren Faire garb, but pretty sure steel boned corsets would count as "carriage aids". Thoughts?

Then I thought about getting all ironic and finally making myself that dirndl that I've been wanting, so I can finally look like what I truly am - a dumpy german haus-frau irish dancing.

But I will probably stick with Hogwarts Uniform because it requires very little thought and effort. And Wizards are cool . . .

So, agenda for next three months:

- Make it to some summer session classes. 
- Practice!Practice!Practice! Even if I can't drill steps, practice walking in turn out, up on toes, etc.
- start re-building stamina, so when full time classes start again, I don't waste three weeks wheezing and stumbling my way through.
- watch lots of videos of slip jigs and wonder what the eff I am doing wrong. . . .

Slainte, gang!
~M