Last night was my first class back after my 2 week winter break. It was also the first class in the new day/time. I wish I could say that leaving right from work and getting there half an hour early was my only problem. . ..
So, because of the day/time shift, the class has changed exponentially. Some of the girls I had hit it off with are now in a diffrent class. And then, some of the ones that I had been having a harder time finding comfortable around are still there. And then there are the "new" people. 2 of them are absolute beginners, bless them! I remember those days - when I first started I thought I would NEVER be able to do a proper Sevens. Then, it seems we've gotten an influx of Novice Dancers. Actually, as I think this was origianlly the Novice time spot, maybe us Beg/Adv.Beg's are the influx. Either way, I'm now sharing a class with 2 more Novice Dancers. Usually, I don't mind this. Since there are so few Adults, we've always had a few Nov. in with us. But for some reason, having 2 more really, reeeeallly good dancers in the class has unsettled me. It used to be that I enjoyed watching the higher levels take their turn in drills as it would give me something to aspire too. The new girls just make me feel clumsy and straw-footed. Not intentionally! At least I don't think so. I think it's just my perception.
We did alot ALOT of drills in class. Good. I need that. What is not good is the fact that the realization dawned on me that I SUCK!! I've be practicing my turn out and crossover so much, but then when I actually put it into motion, I just can't keep it perfect. My posture is never quite right, and m balance - I honestly feel like I am going to tip over! I can't launch myself high enough into the air - there is just so much I CAN'T do. I know with practice, I can fix most of this, it's just an awful lot to be facing down the barrel of and it makes me start to question if I should even be doing this - maybe I'm just not cut out to be a dancer.
I'm not that fatalistic. Everything is what you make it. Good things happend. Despite being the only tool-bag in class that could do their 1st Hornpipe step right, my TC told me what I was doing wrong. So I'm glad for that. I think what gets me, is, well (and God forgive me for saying this, cause it's going to sound catty) I'm the second worst in the class. And that's so not where I want to be. I don't want to be one of the remedial students any more.
So I guess the only option is Practice, Practice, Practice, as always. Just have to try and find where I left my patience, patience, patience. . .